This is it.

So it finally hit me when I woke up. My morning consists of getting ready to leave and leaving. No more spanish adventures as a college student. Me voy.

The truth about Valeriana, the green that makes you sleep.

Porqué no probé cereales con canela antes de esta mañana!? Tan rico! Y se necesita menos azúcar

Some more...of Ferrara

29 de mayo, 2010

Yes, The Kooks are still in my head, but for different reasons. All Jesse’s British friends and himself speaking with accents. “Do you want to go to the seaaasiiide?” What a wonderful mideval city, Ferrara! I am finally starting to feel physically better and eat meals and I leave in a few hours, qué pena! So much energy—I’ll use it for saying my goodbyes to los sevillanos..

Early impressions the U.K.

21 de mayo, 2010

“Do you want to see the world? Do you want to see the wooorrlldd?” Yes! I do…I daydreamed about my time abroad to this Kooks song in Hines 436 freshman year. Vicki, I miss you! Though I’m not in the London airport anymore, thank God, I feel waking up from my siesta to the kooks is still appropriate being in the U.K. T.V.s not working to check out the Irish accent, so the Kooks’ll keep me awake’til breakfast. Soo happy to be in a tea culture…had a giant cup of peppermint tea this madrugada in Stansted. Makes climactic sense though. The sun in the south of Spain doesn’t make hot tea very welcoming. On the contrary, I left Sevilla in tirantas (spaghetti straps) and by the time I got to Cork, I had another long sleeve short, a turtle neck and long rain jacket on, still a bit chilly. Why not warm up with some tea up here in Northern Europe? The smell of the air outside of London Stansted airport was very sweet. And outside of the small rural town of Cork was green, green, green, on either side of the runway…very humid smelling. Welcome to Ireland! Love the accents. Miss all the opportunities for eavesdropping on spanish conversations L. Sevilla I’ll be back for ya, my love!

To continue to process Spain, I need to leave. There are still some things I am unsure of..

I am afraid to go back to the U.S.

the juice of sweet, sweet Andalucía oranges.....whispers at 10 o'clock in the morning....a soft "hola" o "buenos" read on the lips...saw my host dad in his pjs for the first time ever....always dressed very nicely though retired....waiting for the sun to warm up the city before going out....

Endive

Endibia

Palabra recordado del día por mi señora...la bonita planta parecido a lechuga en nuestra ensalada :)

The last few days, I've been soo hungry!

I never thought it would come...the day that I actually felt hunger before eating. But alas, a miracle, I have had a crazy appetite lately and a stomach recovering enough to act on it. So last night, I walked a lot and came home for dinner. After enjoying the soup and brocolli, I asked for some cheese. "Oh COOURSE," mi señora replied, her voice filled with excitment and enthusiasm. She was SOO pleased. Another chance to do her job, feed. She pulled out pechuga de pavo también. Why not? Cuando estás en España And I cut myself a healthy slice of wheat AND white bread, bathing them in extra virgen olive oil. Tonight, yes. I'll have the turkey too. This is one of my last nights in Spain, AND I'M HUNGRY (most important detail) so I decided to really take advantage and savor the things I will not have at home. I cannot wait to control my own diet, but there are great things here too. Just sniffing the soft, fresh bread... And soaking up the olive oil in my mouth...then skin and hair. I really am getting to know how a familia sevillana eats and lives. That's what I wanted; an authentic spanish experience. And that's what I got. Muy fuerte a veces (demasiado), pero....está terminando ya, pue'...Very strong at times (too much so), but...it's coming to an end very soon, soo...

I am sniffing the roses alright....Nice tranquilo mornings with spanish television that won't be available to me very soon. But, I did just learn today that with the flat screen tv my mom and Deke bought, there are lots of spanish channels with HD! hoorrayy! And I'm pumped for my telenovelas latinoamericanos.

Another trip to the doc's this monday...

Had a nice walk to nervión....rode the caterpillar...Met this really friendly old lady in the waiting room...always an experience. Got to sniff the flowers too, soo sweet. But I'm dying to know what these gorgeously delicate purple flowers are that are litearlly popping up on trees all over Sevilla. Have any idea mom?

Theres just SO much happening here!

I can't keep up with all the excitment! And I don't know how to express it all....doing it justice. How to process it...

Les despedí a las en la guardería hoy

Adiós a la guardería...y todos allí. I left today with un montón de besos en mis mejillas (a whole lot of kisses on my cheeks), hugs and happy wishes for the future. They welcomed me very warmly at the kindergarten, and I walked out today--eager for lunch--but also smiling thinking of my family there. All the "Rocío"s and "María"s and "Mari Angeles"s. Nothing like pride in your barrio! I am happy to be done with my service there, since being around tens and twenties of screaming and yelling kids is not my idea of fun. However, I don't have regrets. I enjoyed being around the teachers and children there/soaking up the phrases, traditions, songs, stories...cutlure. Also, I have really been honest with myself--This is not for me. Something about being in a foreign country helped reinforce that. You don't have to pretend, they all know you don't belong! So you may as well be honest with yourself! Haha I dont like big groups of ppl in general--that has been reinforced, and there's nothing wrong with that. Usually I felt exhausted by all the energy there. When I was able to work with the three older children in a more intimate setting, I felt energized being able to connect with them. Nico, Patricia and Marta, all at different levels (and ages). Teaching them things and encourgaing them along was very exciting! Also learning from them. They taught me vocabulary/phrases and I taught them english...or colors, counting, math, animals , etc in their native tongue. And they are so affectionate! A phrase I remember vividly from being very young in school is, "Keep your hands to yourself!" None of that here. They do not restrict affection, but encourage touching and grooming. Such sweethearts!

121 pounds. This scale CANNOT be right. I weighed myself this morning and I cannot believe, with all this food, I have lost 6 pounds. Incredible. Al that walking, miles and miles per day! I suppose I really don't eat that much. And I feel a lot fatter than I really am being bloated all the time. But who knew? Pshh...shocker.

Second to last day at the guardería (kindergarten)

Mari Angeles brought me into her office and kindly explained to me that if I come dressed in tight pants or a short dress, that I should wear one of their robes they have there. "It's that some of the Papás don't like it...If it were Madrid or Barcelona, no pasa nada, but here in Sevilla...it's a little more..." Conservative. Traditional. Oye, my mistake, I should have not worn this dress today, but it's very tricky knowing how to dress for the weather here. When the only constant is change. She was very sweet and I apologized more than once; I wouldn't normally wear this to work with children. No pasa nada, no pasa nada.

However, very interesting that these same old men who don't want girls dressing a certain way around their children are in the streets piropu-ing at me and all the other young women in Spain. Guapaaaa!! Just today, some man commented on my legs en el puente de Triana.

Blue, for the color of my dress.

And I see now what Dr Michelle was talking to me about in Feb, saying if I tutored a child in english, I would get to meet a perhpas more traditional family than the one with which I live. My host dad seems pretttyy traditional... Not in this way...no pasa nada however we want to dress and if we want to go out late at night and not come home until the sun rises. They have had MANY American girls live with them. And they love hosting us.

But when he gets talking about women...those views of his are not so progressive, nor are his about immigrants or muslims, those "moros." Usually it's best to keep my mouth shut...he won't understand anyway, even if I spoke spanish perfectly. He is the voice of knowledge in the house and must always be right, so I just let it be. I don't like being silenced, but even more I don't like arguing with ppl who have strong opinions about topics and don't like to listen. So vale...Wonderful home to live in, not for discussing polemic topics...nobody can do it all.

6 years ago....

I keep my word. "Mind like a steel trap," I believe you said Gallo.

This just in!!! Gallo you're the best =) Darth Vader Moretto and me at CCHS (amazing how traveling brings ppl together)

I guess I never posted this after I typed it out...

“I am worried about going to Spain to learn Spanish because so many people there know english.” Retrospectively, I can say I had nothing to worry about. I assumed that the majority of people outside of the U.S. spoke more than one language with fluidity. And there are a lot of signs and songs in english here. But that doesn’t mean the people can speak english or hold a conversation. Muchos no tienen ganas de aprender inglés, o tiene vergüenza hablarlo. Thanks to globalization and marketing, english pops up all over here…but it has not prevented me from learning spanish, in the least. I think this is similar in any place you go now….Istanbul was like this, and Morocco a bit. English is the key. However, not everyone knows it. The Spanish are VERY proud of their ancient culture and really hang onto it.

Also very interesting to note how english brings people together...tourists united. From where ever ppl come, they go to see the sights and request things in english, whether it be their native language or not/whether they be in an english-speaking country or not. I was taken off guard in Istanbul while paying for my guided tour of Topkapi Palace. After having a conversation with the man who gives out the headphones, he then asks me, What language? Huh? I have just been talking to you, effortlessly, in english. What kind of question is that? English. Then the Thai couple behind me speak to the other man at the booth in english, with accents...Wait! It is a legit question. They want the tour in THEIR language. But they request for it in mine. I suppose it is a legitimate question, because when in Spain and conversing in Spanish, I expect to be asked that question, to which I will answer Spanish, even though I am obviously a giri and not from Sevilla.

Like the Japanese couple I overheard struggling to assert themselves in english to exchange money from yen to euros outside Brunschelli's Dome in Firenze, Italia. And doing so very proudly. Interesting how languages bring people together.

I love my families =)

The Use of the Past Participle in Spain: a Matter of Antiquity?

Studying the Spanish language isn't just studying one language. It's being sensitive to all the nuances within the country of Spain and across the 20 spanish-speaking countries. My english has been affected by my spanish acquisition. For one thing, I write more often using the past participle instead of the past tense. Which brings me to another point of reflection. Spaniards use haber + -ado/-ido for most events that occured today or a few days ago, and the preterite vs. the imperfect is reserved for matters of the long-term past. At first, funny-sounding, now I wonder about it's usage. There really is no right or wrong way to express oneself using language, just different flavors. So being in Spain, walking the streets full of history of the Spanish Inquisition, voyages to the New World and accumulation of gold and glory (perhpas God too?), I think perhaps concepts of time are all relative. Well, absolutely this is made apparent by the usage of the word "now" and it's meaning in reality. But what I am thinking of is the concept of history; Spain--Europe--has such a long, rich history, maybe it MAKES SENSE to speak of things in the recent future as being closer to the present...since that's what the past participle does...bring actions to the present. Maybe it makes sense that a country that has been around for centuries than the one I was born in, would reserve actions that took place a LONG time ago for using the past tenses. Instead of "I ate today," they would say, "I have eaten today." Maybe it also keeps things in perspective, the recent past vs the distant past. My paraguayo friends would say, "it was good, we played soccer today," whereas a Spaniard would say, "Me lo he pasado bien, he jugado el fútbol hoy." Even when comparing Spain to Latin American countries, Spain has existed for far longer. WEll the culture that is today Spain and the mix of cultures that is now Latin America (what has been born since the fall of the great indigenous civilizations).

The Subjunctive: Keeping Life in Perspective.

As I spend more and more time absorbing the spanish language here, this oh-so-scarey "bizarro" grammatical entity we call the subjunctive is not such an enemy anymore. Not only am I becomming more intuitive as to know when to use it or not, but I am starting to really like and admire it. It is used to express desires, wants, hopes....things that are not concrete, for sure going to happen. Now though native speakers do not "think" about when to "use" the subjunctive or "not to" I think they may be on to something. As a non-native speaker, when thinking of when I should conjugate this verb differently or wondering why the speaker just used the subjunctive, it keeps life in perspective. If I can differentiate when the subjunctive is appropriate or not, I can also keep in perspective what is reality and what may NOT happen. And if I can anticipate something MAY not happen, even though I HOPE it does, I can prepare myself not be as let down, for example. Or when I am speaking the subjunctive reminds me, just because I want this to happen, doesn't mean it will. It reminds us in general that you can't always get what you want. Life goes on and you gotta roll with the punches. It's a CONSTANT reminder of this simple truth. And when we learn to accept that we cannot control the world, we can adjust to whatever it throws to us better. (And WHEN we learn--subjunctive ;) ) When it became obvious to me how often the subjunctive is used in daily speech, I realized how much of our lives are undetermined thus far. We can work hard and hope...but ultimately we must take what life gives us, adapt and re-adapt. That keeps life exciting! So thank you subjunctive.

Just sittin here takin in the morning with my gladd of freshly squeezed natural orange juice with honey for the old throat. Sooo delicious =) Just before 9:30 and this ancient house full of my family and neighbors sleeps soundly. Se les pegaron las sábanas...but not I, feels better when I'm not laying down.

One of my last Sunday Paellas with the fam...should be a good one.

Alicia en el país de los maravillas

What a message! Go and determine your own destiny! "Why is everyone telling me who I am and who I'm not!?" Go decide for yourself and show 'em! What courage.

White Queen: Because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out on your own.

So true; I am facing that creature that is my future. You can't live for anyone else. You need to live with the decisions you make. At the end of the day, it's just you. I think Billy Joel said, "either way, you wake you with yourself.." Gotta make yourself happy. Define your own path, go in the direction of your goals. Live your life for YOU. And do so confidently

Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler. -Henry David Thoreau

The Mad Hatter: [To Alice] You used to be much more "muchier." You've lost your muchness.

Found my new fave drink in Lagos: Latin Surfer ;)

Una corrida

I just literally ran into my intercambio at the river. Good ole paseo de colón. "Cómo estás? Un beso." Yes, still the beso greeting (and goodbye) while both of us are sweating in our work-out clothes. "Tienes pinta de buena corredora." Jeje :) Only a few minutes earlier, I was thinking how I need to get on the río guadalquivir antes de salir Sevilla.

I usually do not regret leaving the house when I do. You never know what you will encounter...anywhere in the world. "You are improving your spanish a lot," he told me (there's that confidence!) and then offered me the times of his am clases de piragüismo this weekend. I don't even remember all that I told him, just what was on my mind...which means I am becomming more comfortable with my spanish. And also that adrenaline from my run.

www.kayaksevilla.com ;)

I was ALL ready for this interview; tell them about ME. EN ESPAÑOL. I HAVE the job, I just have to tell them a little baout myself now: I am very enthusiatic and love jumping into new projects. At times, finishing them is difficult for me, but with the ambiance of the advanced students, I don't believe this will be a problem. I am very organized. Also I am independent and a leader, but at the same time, I have been part of teams for my whole life and understand the importance of being interdependent. I have been a member of sports teams and bands since elementary school and now I am a member of a community service team, the Bonner Service Leaders.

I love learning about other cultures and language is the key in understanding them better even better. I enjoy learning new things and with languages, there is ALWAYS more to learn. Always another word or phrase to look up. I will bring this passion I have for learning to the children this summer and make sure every moment is a learning moment. That is what I do here, so it will be natural!

I was soo ready to sell myself! Sin vergüenza. Start afresh. Be the Kendra I am with confidence. I have this job, let me tell you what I am going to do with it! A transformation. Not the timid, have-I-said-enough/the-right-thing-to-convinve-them yet? Speak when you want to...not shut up from nervousness! Your voice is worth it~your questions are valid! I think part of what helped me shed this mentality was the thought of interviewing in Spanish...I just gotta SAY IT. Don't wanna leave any doubt to the interviewer as to whetheror not I know the language, so I must be sure of myself also. Say what I know so far. Keep it up!

So I didn't get to say hardly any of this, and though the interview started in spanish, he requested I speak in english to answer the rest. A disappointment, but I didn't let it throw me off. I am just so on top of the world that he offered me the position. Next time. There will be PLENTY of more interviews in my life (ufortunately, hah)! And this experience should be really good for applying to be a Fullbright Scholar. That'll be una entrevista española for sure. I can do this! I can speak spanish...and I CAN get to know myself.

Middle-schoolers, not my preference. The WORST age...however I think I will love the atmosphere and it's my prime opportunity to continue speaking spanish this summer. Good news is groups of 8-10 girls. Activities more, but I won't be alone. I am going to be an authority figure there. They are JUST Middle-schoolers. I have been abroad. A ver. A chance to see if I REALLY like working with children or not. Gotta talk to Cat about being an RA and Cork about them middleschoolers.

I do know about myself that I prefer smaller groups of people in general, lo que sea. Maybe I do not have the "right" presonality to work with children, but there's only one way to find out.

Then Habitat with the Mexicans...then 2 spanish classes in the fall. Not to mention the latinoamerican telenovela I am going to buy when I return: El Cuerpo de Deseo. All my música española and the spanish tv channel I watched winter break. I plan to write to my family and friends here via carta and tuenti/facebook also.

Soooo haaappppyyyy =)

This one's for you Car!

Showering in hotels, most recently in Portugal with the luxury to spend as much time as I like, I find myself very bored. I still turn off the water to soap up and then rinse, like I do in Sevilla. I can't imagine staying in there for 15-30 minutes now! Only very rarely, if I were very dirty or sore/needed to relax. So I found myself standing in the shower thinking of big sisty..."I get BORED....I wash my hair and body and am like, now what!?" De verdad, "I'll be 3 minutes!" Sí, sí...no more groans now.

And Hunter green for you and Miss Molly Magnificant ;)

Madrugo esta mañana.

Placement test, Take two, 8:45AM. Same exam as my first day here. Not only did I find the questions easier, some second nature, I felt so much more comfortable answering the personal questions. More secure in my answers. About who I am and where I'm going. I went in and maintained my relaxed attitude throughout the exercise. A New Kendra =) I am prepared, I did my best and that's all I can do, no need to worry about nit-picky details and create more stress.

Qué será será

I AM proficient in spanish. I can speak the language. And understand rapidly spoken spanish. My reading comprehension is very high. So today, I practiced believing in myself. I spoke slowly, with conviction. I am starting to feel comfortable in my skin speaking spanish. Just say it...it is what it is. If they don't like what I have to say, that's not my problem...in whatever language.

Qué será será....

Good prep for my interview Friday, but more importantly my self-esteem

What I love about learning spanish is that language is the key to learning even more about a culture and why people act the way they do. So fascinating! Culture exists WITHIN the language, how the people ask for things, what they ask for. I LOVE exploring how human beings learn to live in different ways depending on their locations.

I have traveled to places where I don't know the language, and am still able to learn a LOT, but knowing the language opens up new doors to comprehend how the culture works. A really up-close-and-personal look.

Elizabeth and I found our own niche within the DiscoverSevilla trip to Lagos, Portugal. We explored the more secluded praias with gorgeous caves and rock formations and hiked the cliffs back to the estación de bomberos. We also enjoyed a traditional portuguese dinner with the group, I had a deliciously tender rumproast topped off with Iberian ham and incircled with patatas fritas swimming in "traditional portuguese" sauce and Elizabeth was very happy with her swordfish. Not bad...I think I could start making white fish a part of my diet...I am happy with the balance we create for ourselves this weekend, of hangin with the loud crowd of 500 and discovering the city and beaches tandem. Saturday morning, we camped out in a spot at Meia Praia and had the vast space to ourselves, and also found a public pool/bathhouse and rest to grab a bite at. Sunday, off to our private boat tour of the Grottos...we experienced first-hand how Portugal's economy is really about to fall...for 30 euros we got on the Atlantica with the friendly captain and hopsitable tour guide at our disposable. Anchored near the Ponta de Piedade for Zab to jump off the boat and swim for a bit and transfered to a dingy boat to get up close and enter the caves. The food in the rests and supermarkets was DIRT cheap too...didn't want to go back to Spain! Haha I got a thrill from reading and understanding Portuguese--Learning Spanish has made me so much more worldy, not just conscious of Spanish cultures. We also traveled to the End of The Earth with the group Saturday night, I guess that means we don't exist, hah. Cabo Sao Vicente was gorgeous, though the wind threatened to give us an even closer-up vies of the sides of the cliffs and the water. Ohh, the wind in Portugal--Ridiculous! Chilly Northern winds picked up a day before we arrived and lasted the weekend. Between that and the clouds lined up to block the sun, the weather was cooler than Sevilla during the week, ironically enough, but I still managed to get a bit of a base burn on Mayday.